I don’t often speak of my dad, possibly due to the emotions it stirs, but I thought I would honour him in this post.
My dad, the man who before any other man who has or will enter my life I will love forever and will forever be the man who I most look up to.
It’s been 18 years (my mother corrected my maths) since I lost him, lost like he’s down the back of the couch or my keys or something. When you and mum were 27 you had just had me or mum was pregnant with me. It’s odd to think of it that way. It’s odd to think that the time that has passed since you passed is equivalent to the life you had lived before I existed.
In that time since you died the world has continued to spin on and so much has occurred in the lives of those you loved and that loved you. There has been weddings, births and unfortunately some funerals. Both your parents are with you now, well with you if you believe in the thought of the afterlife.
I hope for the afterlife as it allows me to believe that you are happy and at peace. When you were still on earth these weren’t things that came easily in the last few years of your life. You never seemed to be at peace or truly enjoying your life after the accident, you lost the use of your legs, you lost your independence and in some ways, you lost yourself when this occurred.
I wish I could have gotten to know you as an adult, getting to know mum not just as my mum but also as the amazing, strong, loving and gorgeous woman she is is one of the greatest gifts I have been given. To not be able to know you, in the same way, saddens me. I hear people say that I am like you, I hope I am as it means there is still a little piece of you in the world. I will never be able to judge this as I don’t know you as anyone other than my dad.
I will forever be grateful for the time I had with you, however as I continue to grow and age and create new memories I can feel that my memories of you are slowly slipping away. I hope they don’t disappear completely and I have the ability to recall and remember the times we had together the laughs, the love and the happiness.
There is still so much in my life I am yet to experience and the thought of not having you with me has always and will always cause me pause and sadness. I know that even though you are not physically here you are always by my side, looking over me, looking out for me and loving me.
I will love you and miss you always. Love your daddy’s little girl.