This is my health and wellness admission, and how I am setting it right.

I’ve lived most of my life like I am the same as everyone else. I would go out and party with even when my body was telling me it needed rest. I would walk the city to surf even if my body screamed for more sleep and to rest. I would push through and work when feeling not well. I would go out and do things on the weekend when my body washing asking for some respite. I would do all of this and more because I couldn’t explain how I was feeling to people who might be able to help or I didn’t push harder for answers to the biggest question of my life.

Why am I so fatigued all the time?

This one question has been hanging around me my whole adult life. I would ask doctors and they would offer advice and run blood tests but no answers came. I would seek out alternative medicines in iridology, naturopathy and kinesiology and find answers but not see any change. I would put off going back to the doctor for fear of again not getting answers or solutions that actually helped. This has been a continuous cycle for many years and I have hidden this from all but those closest to me. How would anyone else understand that the level of energy they function on daily is something I haven’t experienced for years. That when they complain of being tired after a single night of sleeplessness or a big weekend was just a taste of how I felt on a day to day basis that was worsened by the actions they took to feel that way.

I have been searching for the answer to this question for so long and failing to find it and I have come to just accept that I will be this way forever. But that shouldn’t be the case I should be able to live a vibrant and healthy life where I’m excited to get up and do something anything in the morning other than moving from my bed to my couch.

Check out the time when I quit sugar as an attempt to feel better, this didn’t work and I didn’t work at it.

I need to feel better in order to live better but I can’t feel better without living better is the ironic place I find myself in.

I am taking another go at finding the answers and really think I have this time. It seems that my body is functioning, and has been for who knows how long because no body thought to check, in survival mode. It’s acting like I am somehow under threat from death due to famine or disease or some other horrible plight and is, therefore, protecting me. It’s doing this by storing fat around my vital organs, thanks for that belly and back fat, and by looking everywhere it can inside itself to get the nutrients it needs to function. Part of this is it is also producing high amounts of cortisol as if I am in a constant state of stress whether I am stressed or not. All this adds up to the fact that I am running on empty 24/7 and also always on the verge of a massive stress out. Not fun at all.

With this knowledge, I am trying to make better decisions. With this knowledge, I am trying to listen more to my body and less to the outside world. This means eating less of the sugar and caffeine that used to sustain my energy at all times. This means I am taking more time to rest, I am being more aware of my limitations, I am doing my best to not be concerned about things that would typically send me crazy with worry. I am just trying to be. Now that I have some answers I am trying to do my best to do what is needed to get well, but I’m struggling.

I am trying to eat right so that I can properly fuel my body. I am trying to move so that my body can work through what it needs to. I am trying to rest when my body tells me I need to rest. But sometimes I fall back into my old patterns of pretending that nothing is wrong. I eat badly because I don’t have the energy to cook good food. I go out and socialise or do things when my body is telling me to rest. And I stay up late when I really should be asleep.

I am only human. I will occasionally slip up. I will occasionally not listen to what my body wants. But I am trying, and I am hoping that I will be able to heal and feel better and do things not out of guilt, or out obligation but out of joy and wanting to.